March 12 & 15
March 12
A few days ago, when I checked Life360, I noticed I’d been deleted. I could still see Dad’s location, but Mom, Madelyn, Annie, and Lara were all gone. I wasn’t shocked — honestly, I expected it. Still, just to be sure, I texted Mom to ask what happened. She was completely clueless. Someone had removed me without even telling her.
She was able to quickly add me back, though not to the entire family circle. That was fine with me. I don’t care about seeing everyone else’s locations.
But then the next day, Mom texted again. Someone had now deleted both Dad and me from the circle. She was frustrated because she likes being able to see where Dad is. She worries about him driving alone and simply feels better knowing she can check on him. But apparently, even that is too much for the family to tolerate.
I spent a long time trying to help her find another way for her and Dad to track each other without the family — or Dad — knowing what was happening.
March 15
Today was a hard day.
I went through texts, rereading messages from Mom over the past couple of months, and one exchange in particular completely broke me (see screenshot of texts below).
Mom: “I think the most boring time in my life is when I sit at Lara’s with nothing to do and everyone else can have fun and act like nothing is wrong. I sit here and watch game shows all day alone.”
Me: “I know, and it breaks my heart.”
Mom: “Please understand that if this is what it takes to make things right, I guess everyone thinks I married a dud and tells me he has never loved me. I’m sorry I’m venting to you, but it’s almost more than I can take. I know he would not like me telling you because he doesn’t want me to get in trouble. He definitely feels he would not stand a chance [he will be allowed back in the church]. Please forgive me for putting all this on you.”
Me: “You’re not. I’m glad you’re talking to me. You need to. You can’t hold it all in.”
Mom: “I’m thinking Gerald believes there’s no redemption for James.
This family is not only isolating Dad — they’re isolating Mom too.
She can’t talk openly to Lara or her sisters because they won’t allow her to express sadness, grief, love, or sympathy for Dad. If she cries, there are comments during church services about how “we’ve got to dry up the tears.” I remember those days well. You were either not crying enough or crying too much. There was always a right and wrong way to grieve, feel, or respond.
And maybe the saddest part of all is Mom’s comment about Gerald.
She knows that if Dad is ever going to be accepted back into this church community, Gerald’s approval will determine it. His “stamp of approval” will decide whether redemption is possible in their eyes. And honestly, I don’t see that happening.
But I do believe God sees all of this.
He sees what they’re doing. He knows their hearts, and he knows my parents’ hearts as well. And, this is the only thing that gives me hope that my parents will ever be back together and happy.